
Men, (and the frustration they cause), have been the topic of discussion between me and a friend of mine for the past week. No, we are not male bashers; and no, we are not naïve. Both of us are fully aware that the emotional house of a man is constructed a little differently than that of a woman. However, the more I deal with men, the more I believe their emotional house may be assembled with some “bootleg” wiring.
Now, men, before you hit send on that “hateful” email that you are about to write to me, hear me out first. It’s not as if I plan to give up on men anytime soon, but I will forego trying to figure them out. In the past, that has been my downfall. When I would attempt to look at things through the male lens, I would fail to see the reasons for the dishonesty and disregard. So when I would return to the “right way of thinking,” I would be even more annoyed—because men, just don’t get women!
It has to be the fear of being alone, that cause some women to become tolerant of the inappropriate behaviors of men. Or it could be loneliness that compels women to ignore the yellow and red flags, which go up around their mates. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s society that has brainwashed women into believing they need a man to validate them.
Whatever the reason, if you couple a need for validation, with the shocking female to male ratio, women will begin to use a “get one while supplies last” approach when they choose a mate. However, finding a good deal in the store is a lot more rewarding than finding a bargain basement mate. But considering that 45% of African-American women and 23% of White women have never been married, I can understand the sense of urgency.
This newfound wealth of desperation is the cause for some men to believe they are cut from a special cloth. That said, women could solve every problem they have with their significant others by simply waking up. Quite frankly, men are doing some of the things that they do, simply, because they can! However, I refuse to settle for less. And maybe it’s not fair for me to make that statement because I have experienced what most women are trying to achieve, (spouse, children, etc.), but unless it’s done for the right reasons, it will not work. So instead of just dealing with dishonesty and disregard, you will inevitably deal with a divorce.
Once again, this is not some sort of male-bashing post because I honestly believe that men face the same fears that women do, (they just deal with the emotion differently). Men fear giving up their space; they fear women will infringe on male-bonding moments; they fear they’ll miss out on “the one” if the settle down with you; and they also fear divorce if they commit. So even though they are from Mars, they still have some sense of normalcy.
Before I go, I guess I should share the problem that I have with some members of my own species. I am sooooo very tired of women getting so caught up in treating men as if they are some sort of gift, that they forget to treat themselves like a gift, as well. Men not only enrich a woman’s life, a woman will also enrich his life. But I think some women must have forgotten that information, while on their quest to find “The One.”
Ok men, you can send my hate emails now. But just know, there’s nothing you can write that would make me love you any less. Each time I try to prohibit you guys from my life, the old “can’t live with them; can’t live without them” adage begins to play in my head! So bring it, I’m waiting…